Comments on: the unhappy housewife

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 20:19:20 +0000

I’ve been married 20 yrs to the same man. He is not perfect, and neither am I. However after 20 years of marriage and 20 years of listening to other women, i’ve noticed that every marriage has basically the same complaints. And after being a stay at home mom for 10 of the twenty, here’s my observation.
Wives, you know what your role is in the home. Only you can decide your happiness in that role. You don’t like it, change it. Resentment, silent treatments and general pettiness never, ever solves the problem. Your husband will treat you exactly the way YOU teach him to treat you. And as we all know the success or failure of the family lies in the wife’s/mom’s hands, then shut up or put up. It’s time to put on your big girl panties, decide what is is you want out of your life, relationship, children and get on with it. Stop whining. Take action. As soon as you do, you’re life will be much better.

By: Ali

Ali — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 21:16:41 +0000

I am so sorry to hear this. I got married 2 years ago and I was happily working until I got laid off. I have been going to school for the last year but not working nore socializing makes me a sad quite often.
I some times wonder if I will ever be able to have children… I get scared at the fact that I already have so much work at the house… my husband helps me where he can but I don’t like working non-stop… I some times just go to the bathroom and cry…and I dont even have children yet!!!

I hope that life for me gets better… I am not asking for any luxuries, cars, jewlery, I am a hard-working person and I just want to finish school and find a nice company to work for with nice people… =)

By: Kari

Kari — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 01:15:20 +0000

Omg girl, I hear you!! My house used to be spotless and I worked (that’s maybe why?!) I’ve been staying home for the last 7 years but worked until my oldest was 3. I have totally lost enthusiasm for this job. To me simple jobs like puting your dish actually in the dishwasher (he used to put it in the sink, i’m kinda missin’ those days.) now i make supper and everyone eats and leaves and i clean up. My days are full of receleaning stuff that i cleaned yest. only for it to look like i didn’t do anything at the end of the day. If he paid me he couldn’t afford me. I do almost everything outside as well.

The funny thing is some days i enjoy it. When the house is clean and i’ve done baking, the kids haven’t fought, make a nice dinner but those days are rare now. I think it’s because you don’t get anything back. Well that’s my job. Um not really, i don’t expect him to scrub toilets or wash floors but lets face it cleaning is the easy part, the five hours it takes to get to that point are the hard ones.

I think i’m just tired of being resp. for everyone and everything. When i worked i was the one that drove our son to the daycare and then picked him up. I could never go out with the girls for a drink on a friday after work. He did though, so i resented him for that then.

It’s so funny because you always read about how the man is so shocked when the wife divorces him and didn’t see it coming. I’ve talked to my husband about it and it seems to get through but then it only lasts a couple days and it’s right back to business as usual. If i hear “well i work” one more time i will go insane. Like i don’t. I would love to work and have every detail of life taken care of for me. Maybe i need a wife

Anyway girl you are not alone!

p.s. don’t even get me started on the socks thing!!

By: Annie

Annie — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 15:38:05 +0000

You know, I live your life too.
For 13 years now and it eats at me every day. I think it’s just down right disrespect and lazyness mixed with taking us wives for granted. Marriage is suppose to be good for a man and terrible for a woman. I dream of having a home that if it’s dirty it’s my fault and not his. Sick of having a husband that “gets it” sometimes but then “forgets” about helping. I’ve tried evertyhing! Communicating, begging, the silence treatment, patience…Nothing helps! I wish yopu all the best. i don’t think my marriage will survive much longer but in time like this who van afford a divorce. I don’t mean just bc of socks och inability to get involved in the kids lives…it’s just everything. Good luck!

By: Chrissy

Chrissy — Wed, 20 May 2009 13:56:53 +0000

Aw, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re dealing with all of that. That must be so hard. Unfortunately, I have a feeling it’s probably not that uncommon. I agree with you that there’s no reason he shouldn’t be able to watch the girls – you definitely deserve some time to enjoy yourself! As for the socks – I would leave them for him to do. He might not get to it while he’s watching TV, but then it’s not your problem! (I know that’s only one small issue, but maybe if you don’t feel like you have to do everything for him (especially if you think he’s ungrateful and doesn’t help at all!), you’ll start to feel better, whether or not things get done.) Also, I have to say that I’m really impressed you are able to pinpoint all of your frustrations about the cleaning lady. Too often I get upset about something like that and can’t verbalize WHY I’m upset, which is difficult for trying to work it out or even just dealing with it internally. At least you know exactly what’s bothering you! That has to be the first step to a solution, right? I hope you’re able to figure out something that works for you and/or get a little appreciation for everything you do!

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 19 May 2009 20:13:57 +0000

I think the only response can be to schedule Mom’s night out *much* more often, until he is either bankrupt from all the babysitting or driven crazy by all the childcare. Or, perhaps he’ll get more competent at it. The charitable interpretation of this is that you’ve done so much more taking care of the children that he’s literally frightened to do it without you, but won’t say so. If that’s the case, the more practice he gets, the more confident he’ll be.

By: kathy

kathy — Tue, 19 May 2009 16:25:59 +0000

My husband and boys know that I will put their clothes away exactly as I find them from the dryer. If the shirts are inside out – I lay them on their beds like that and let them know they need to put them away. If they choose to hang them inside out – that is their choice and when they go to put them on – they fix them. Same goes for socks. I will lay all my husbands clothes on his pillow if he takes them off inside out and throws them in the hamper that way. (clean of course)
I’m so sorry for the other things you are dealing with and I think it is great that you can go talk to other women because you’ll find most men really don’t get it. They don’t think like us – they don’t let things bother them like we do – they can let it go as quickly as it arrives. I always reminded them all to put their dishes on the kitchen counter when finished eating and they are all great about that. I’ll even watch them walk past something on the floor and I’ll stare at them (intensely) They’ll ask “What?” I’ll point at it and say, “seriously? You’re going to wait for me to pick it up?” They’ll then pick it up. I do this often which might be nagging but there are the great moments when they will do it without being reminded.
I also remind my husband that he is teaching his children how to act and be around another woman when they are older and does he want to see his sons’ go through divorces because their wives won’t put up with it. I am constantly saying, “they are watching and learning from you, dear” This makes him respond quickly.

kathy’s last blog post..Out of town

By: 1955nurse

1955nurse — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:31:15 +0000

I feel for! I’ve been married to the same guy since 1976 (!) and believe me, there have been plenty of “Silent nights” around our house thru the years, (after the explosions mind you). 2 children, now aged 30 & 31 and for awhile when they ere little I would get this “I’m doing you a favor, taking care of the kids” crap. Well, he FINALLY woke up to the fact (with a little help from my WONDERFUL Mother-in-law) that he was not ‘babysitting’ – he was their FATHER and being a Daddy was not a part-time gig! Hang in there – and if you can afford the help, go for it! If $ is an issue, then get someone maybe 1 – 2 days for a few hrs. In the long run, it may save your marriage, and you won’t be so stressed!
Best of luck!!!

By: Kayris

Kayris — Mon, 18 May 2009 17:17:20 +0000

Stop turning his socks right side out and stop putting them away. My husband's underwear often goes back into his dresser inside out. If he can't be bothered to turn it the right way when it goes into the laundry, I can't be bothered to do it before I put stuff away. And stop picking up his dirty plate. If his legs aren't broken, he can pitch in and take it to the kitchen. And maybe you'll get lucky and read your blog this time and see how many other wives and mothers think it's heinous that he won't watch his own kids. Kayris’s last blog post..Reputation

By: Brandy

Brandy — Mon, 18 May 2009 16:36:36 +0000

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I would be losing my mind. I have been feeling unhappy lately too, but as I read your post I realize the little things I am unhappy for are no where near the reasons you have. I am so sorry girl. Keep your head up and things will get better. Keep moving forward, try to focus on what's good and what you love ... things will get better...Sending you warm wishes and big hugs! Brandy Brandy’s last blog post..Shopping with Two Young BOYS