What do you say to someone who is dying?

I’m almost 30 years old and have no idea how to cope with death. But I need to figure out how to deal with it. Like… now.

This is my aunt Annie and she is dying of cancer. She’s in her final days, maybe even final hours. Knowing that I’ll never see her warm smile again in person is beyond heartbreaking.

I love you!!

So what do you say to someone who is dying? Because I have no idea…

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  1. TooManyHats says

    I am so sorry your aunt is dieing. My mom died a little over 10 years ago. My advice is to tell her you love her, you can tell her about all the happy things you remember about her, and if you can, just sit and hold her hand. She knows it is the end and being surrounded by those you love is probably all you can do. If she is religious, you can talk about heaven too.
    .-= TooManyHats´s last blog ..This Is It =-.

  2. says

    oh I am so sorry Mariana! it is heart wrenching to see someone die.

    I would definitely tell her how much you love her and bring up some happy memories that you shared. I would also take this time to ask (or tell) her anything that has ever crossed your mind. (questions from your childhood, her childhood, etc.)

    and maybe have your kids make a video where they sing or do something for her, since kids usually are not allowed in a hospital/hospice setting. I know this cheered my mom up in her final days.

    and yes, just hold her hand and let her know you are there. :(
    .-= workout mommy´s last blog ..Sitewarming party tonight! =-.

  3. blueviolet says

    I am so terribly sorry to hear about your aunt. I wish I could give you the words but I know that anything coming from your heart will be the right thing.

    I also wanted to stop by and show some support for one of my fellow sitewarming blogs! I’ll follow you and see you at the party at 9pm!

  4. says

    I am so sorry! As you may or may not know my son has Cancer, its such a horrible ugly disease. I don’t think there is anything you can say, or anything that you are expected to say…just be there, and listen.
    .-= Beth´s last blog ..If I Were Not Me….. =-.

  5. says

    Hi Mariana,
    I am so sorry to hear about your aunt and what you are going thru also. This is not uncommon to feel they way you do. It’s important for your aunt to know that you and her loved ones are there for her. Hold her hand and remember the good times. Let her know that you care. Really just say whatever you want to share with her. Lots of times, just your presence is warming to her heart. More than likely she wants to know that your going to be ok, so keep it positive. Take care and it’s going to be ok. Sincerely, Kathy

  6. says

    I lost my Mom two years ago so I feel your pain. Unfortunately, she was in a coma-type state prior to passing.

    In this case, I know the words never come easy and there’s not much to say but enjoy your time together and make sure she knows you love her. :-)

    That’s pretty much all I can say. Hugs and prayers to you!

    .-= Angie´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Lamborghini =-.

  7. says

    Just sit and let her talk. Yes share memories, speak of love and be there for her. I’m sure she has lot to say and pass on. Ask her advise about things while she’s with you. Enjoy every moment.
    .-= Baba´s last blog ..Welcome to FeedBurner =-.

  8. clenna in NH says

    I am so sorry your Aunt is dying.

    Some things to talk about – happy times you shared with her, things about her that you admire, appreciate or enjoy. Why you have been so lucky to have had her in your life.

    It is so hard to lose someone. Tell her how much better you are because of her and her love for you.

    Good Luck

  9. sandy says

    let her know you love her, don’t be afraid to hug her- hold her hand and just be together. Be honest and talk with her about it and talk with her about fun things, her dreams, her past- maybe make a film. Take her to the zoo, to the park…out to eat…cancer schmancer unless it is bad and all over there is alot of new techniquesso be there and be positive and like I said love her. I am proud you are there for her, too many people are afraid of people with cancer and stay away please be there for her.

  10. says

    First of all, I’m so sorry. I am beside of my mother who is in her last days of pancreatic cancer right now. I can’t find words at all. I choke. I can’t utter anything. One thing that she seems to like is when I put a cool washrag on her face and just caress her with it . It says a whole lot without saying anything. I have never lost anyone before, let alone a mother. It is killing me to see her suffer. So, although you want to know how to comfort her , maybe you can comfort your other loved ones that are suffering along with you.

    I’ve wrote about my mom several times on my blog but this one always makes me the happpiest.


    God Bless you, Hang in there. Jeanine
    .-= jeanine´s last blog ..FREE WiFi Internet at all Barnes & Nobles everyday =-.

    • jennifer says

      hi jeannie i know how u feel my mom is dieing of pancreatic cancer now and they say she might not live the weekend it is hard i dont know what to do i feel so alone but im not i got my father and my fiance its just when your close to your mother u dont know what to say,

  11. says

    I am so very, very sorry.

    If possible, try to put yourself in her place, what would you want to hear? That you are loved, that you will be missed, that you have been a special person, that the world will not be the same without you, that you are truly, deeply, loved.


    I am so very, very sorry –
    .-= Janet Carpenter´s last blog ..Golden Apple Foundation =-.

  12. Rosanne says

    I lost a father (age 64) and sister (age 46) to cancer and have had cancer three times myself. Sometimes you don’t need to say anything- just sit there and listen if she wants to talk. That is what I did for my sister as I was her primary caregiver. If she was your favorite aunt,-tell her. She knows she is dying. Be comfortable and relaxed around her. Death is nothing to be afraid of.- It’s normal and natural except in this society where people think they are going to live forever if they eat right and exercise. People die at all ages under all circumstances. If they know they are loved they can be at peace. I am a nurse who was also a grief counselor for mom’s who lost stillborn babies. . Whatever you do -don’t stay away. If you spend time with her you will also be at peace.

  13. says

    Treat her the way you have always treated her and nothing less. Listening and being there for the person is sometimes the best medicine.
    .-= Beth´s last blog .. =-.

  14. Peggy says

    First I want to say how sorry I am to hear of this news. Cancer is such a terrible thing. My mother passed away in March after a 7 month battle with cancer. Tomorrow, August 1st the the anniversary of when we found out she had cancer. To think we found out a year ago, and she’s been gone for 4 1/2 months, makes no sense. All I can say is to be with her when you can. Share those precious memories with her and remember that even though she may not appear to be alert, hearing is one of the last senses to go, according to what hospice told us. Hold her hand and enjoy the precious time you have left. You will see each other again, have comfort in knowing that. I love the picture you posted.

  15. Lori Barnes says

    You tell them you love them so many people don’t get that opportunity and tell her how much it means to’ve had her in your life. I’m so sorry for what you’re going threw. My sister-in-law died during childbirth then my brother died, i do know what you’re feeling, except we didn’t know ahead of time. I wish so much there was a cure for cancer it has taken so many lives. I’ll say a prayer for you, sending you a hug….hope you felt it.

  16. katherine says

    Be there, be normal and tell her that you love her. Reminice. Remind her of all the wonderful times you have spent together. I lost my mom 4 years ago this month. She was 58. She too had cancer. It is a horrible disease that robs its victims of so much. It sucks. (((((HUGS)))).

  17. Vickie Couturier says

    As a former Nurse an have lost family members of my own,Ive been told that hearing is the last sense to leave the body,so saying I Love you so much,an a kiss would be good,or just say whats in your heart,as my Dad was dying he was only 62,I actually climbed in the bed an held him in my arms an told him how much I loved him an I would take care of Mom an not to worry,we didnt want him to leave us but If he had to,he could go in peace knowing he was surrounded by his family an Loved so much,was it hard,oh yes! I am crying as im writing this an he died in 1997,I just told him to to toward the light an he just went peacefully,an I NEVER regret that moment with him,an it helped saying goodbye,I hope this helps you some hon

  18. says

    I’m SO very sorry to hear about your Aunt:(

    death is never easy and I’ve dealt with a LOT of it in my family/friends…Just make sure you tell her how much you love her, spend time with her and focus on happy times you’ve had.

    My prayers go out to you and your family.

  19. says

    I have no idea other than I LOVE YOU .. my aunt spent my first FIVE years with me and she died when I was five. I have not had to cope or be in a situation of a close family member dying. I would just have to say I love you and spend as much time with them as I could. I am sending you a HUG to get through this, as I know you can :-)
    .-= Brandy´s last blog ..Review: Rosie Hippo Wooden Toys =-.

  20. says

    I’m so sorry, Mariana. We’re praying for you and for your aunt. I hope you find whatever gives you peace and comfort, and I hope that you are able to talk to your aunt and tell her that you love her.
    .-= Tara @ Feels like home´s last blog ..Gimme, Gimme! =-.